A Farewell to LOST

NOTE: this post is full of spoilers, in case you haven't watched the show and intend to.

I have always felt that genre fiction - especially Sci-Fi - is best when it sticks as close to reality as possible. When I was in college, I wanted to be a comic book artist, and my friends and I would sit around drawing all day, coming up with dozens of characters, each with their own origin. One day, around the time I stopped pursuing this goal, I decided that the concept of the skin-tight superhero costume was ridiculous enough to turn me off from mainstream comics, and if I was ever going to draw these heroes and villains again, I was going to draw them wearing costumes that looked like real clothing. And those feelings have permeated how I feel about the film and television that vaguely falls in the modern fantasy genre, especially as it has taken hold over the last decade. From a film as subtle as Children of Men, to Christopher Nolan's Batman films, to the first season of Tim Kring's Heroes, I like to see the how and why behind the extraordinary.

Despite the hundred or so unanswered questions left dangling after this Sunday's series finale, LOST worked for me because there were answers to the mysteries, even if we didn't know them. I loved seeing what was inside the Hatch, or that there's a time difference between the Island and the outside world, or that polar bears could end up in the Tunisian desert by way of some Bermuda Triangle-like portal. For all its wonder, LOST felt like the real world to me, and maybe I didn't realize it until the last couple episodes, but that was due to the great characters, and the actors who played them.

In the end, there are complaints that I could voice - like for all the show's interwoven arguments of faith versus science, science kind of got short-changed, and likewise the Island got gypped in favor of the community-based limbo of the "sideways world" (which wasn't sideways at all, but more of a post-world) - but that's just me personally looking for what I loved most about the show. It doesn't change that the producers and writers had an epic story to tell, and they told it beautifully. The show was a wild ride that I loved regardless of how I feel about the last hour.

As I am known for my lists, I threw these two together over the weekend in anticipation of the finale, and I hope you like them. Goodbye, LOST. I know, no matter how hard the networks try, there will never be another show like you.

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The Ten Weakest Hours of LOST:

10. "I Do" (Season 3)
Blah blah blah Kate gets married blah blah blah. Pro: guest star Nathan Fillion. Con: the ill-advised mid-season finale that is often cited as permanently crippling the show's ratings.

09. "S.O.S." (Season 2)
While it does include THIS awesome moment, and while I guess Bernard & Rose are nice enough to deserve one episode, I just remember being bored and not caring.

08. "Adrift" (Season 2)
Yes, Locke went down in the Hatch for the first time, and yes, there was the Dharma shark, but with the flashback about his custody battle, we start to learn early on that we really don't care about Michael if Walt isn't around, especially when all he's doing is clinging to a hunk of metal in the water for an hour, hollering "WAAAAAALLLLT!!!"

07. "Abandoned" (Season 2)
What seemed like a cool twist at the time - Shannon gets killed just as she finds love with Sayid, and by the returning survivors from the tail-section and the raft - now plays as the writers not really having anything for Shannon to do in the larger construct of the show. Her flashbacks with the death of her father and her evil stepmother are particularly forgettable.

06. "The Other Woman" (Season 4)
Juliet has an affair with Goodwin, which I'm ok with, but we have to suffer the lame out-of-nowhere character of his wife Harper, the Dharma psych-therapist, not to mention Ben's tantrum about how Juliet belongs to him (which hasn't been referenced since). And that's just the flashback (wasn't this a season of flashforwards?) - remember Juliet trying to stop Faraday & Charlotte from releasing the gas at the Tempest station? Yeah, me neither.

05. "Across The Sea" (Season 6)
The best way to describe it is a missed opportunity. The origin story of Jacob and his nameless, smokey brother just doesn't work for me. The pacing is terribly slow, stretching what should have been 15-20 minutes of story to 50 minutes, needlessly casting marginal kid actors just to tie into the blond boy who's been running around the Island throughout Season 6. Sure, they threw us some necessary answers, but we didn't get anything about the Statue, Lighthouse, Temple, or why Smokey doesn't react well to ashes and sonic fences. We did get Allison Janney's wooden acting and middle American accent though.

04. "Exposé" (Season 3)
Yeah, so...Nikki & Paulo. Yup, that happened.

03. "Whatever the Case May Be" (Season 1)
So, Kate went through all that trouble for a die-cast toy plane?? Yawn.

02. "Something Nice Back Home" (Season 4)
I will be proven right in the coming years, that this episode was all a bad idea. It spends the bulk of the time on Jack getting sick, and then having his appendix taken out by Juliet, which felt like the writers were stalling again. Likewise, Claire wanders off with the ghost of her Dad and leaves Aaron in the middle of the jungle, which felt sudden and senseless. Jack proposes to Kate in the future, only to drive her away by being a drunk idiot. And the writers scream in our face that Christian Shepard is the smoke monster sitting in the lobby of his son's practice, setting the smoke detector off, only to both reinforce it (UnLocke tells Jack that he appeared to him as Christian) AND undo it later in Season 6 by telling us Smokey can't leave the Island! WTF???!!!

01. "Stranger in a Strange Land" (Season 3)
It's not just an hour about Jack's tattoo guest-starring questionable actress Bai Ling. It's also a boring hour where Jack kind of gets in bed with The Others, and Kate & Sawyer basically do nothing but walk & row a boat.

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The Thirty Best Episodes of LOST:

30. "The Economist" (Season 4)
A great episode that mostly stands alone - Sayid's German romance with Elsa ends with the revelation that Sayid is an assassin...for Ben?? Meanwhile, in one of his best scenes, Faraday wonders why there's a time difference between the freighter and the Island.

29. "Jughead" (Season 5)
This episode succeeds because of all the information download on the origins of Charles Widmore and Eloise Hawking, their involvement with The Others in the mid 1950's, and their relation to Daniel Faraday. There's also the great scene when Locke stomps into The Others' camp to see Richard.

28. "A Tale of Two Cities" (Season 3)
This Season 3 premiere may start the weak Hydra Island storyline, but the opening sequence showing the plane crash from The Others perspective is truly awesome, and the verbal sparring between Juliet & Jack in the shark cage remains riveting.

27. "Recon" (Season 6)
Sideways Sawyer is a cop??!!? Yup, and his story is pretty awesome, with Miles as his partner. On the Island, Sawyer gets back to being dirty, playing both sides of the eventual UnLocke Vs. Widmore clash. We also get a nice morsel of the Claire/Kate tension, as mediated by UnLocke. This episode feels like the beginning of the end.

26. "The Variable" (Season 5)
As far as I'm concerned, any Daniel Faraday is good Daniel Faraday. This episode is essentially about his relationship with his apparent parents, as well as him conveying his plan to save all the Survivors stuck in 1977 by detonating the "Jughead" hydrogen bomb from the 50's, setting the stage for "The Incident".

25. "The Beginning of the End" (Season 4)
The flashforwards start in earnest, with Hurley's car chase, "The Oceanic Six", the first appearance of Matthew Abaddon, and Charlie's ghost showing up 3 times to make Hurley even crazier. On the Island, Hurley cannonballs and finds the Cabin, Jack & Locke split up the survivors, and Daniel Faraday arrives...

24. "Confirmed Dead" (Season 4)
The proper introduction of Faraday, Miles, Charlotte, and Lapidus, all with very intriguing reasons for being brought to the Island. Plus, apparently Ben was expecting them, and has a man on their boat.

23. "The Incident" (Season 5)
To say it's the weakest of the season finales isn't to say it's bad - it is still on this list of the show's best episodes. I just felt that the Incident of the title - the detonating of the hydrogen bomb at the site of the would-be Hatch - didn't measure up to the rest of this episode, which includes the first appearance of Jacob and his mysterious brother, Jacob's globe-trotting adventures to meet the Survivors in the past, Ilana revealing to Richard that the real Locke is dead, and that 'UnLocke' is the new show villain, tricking Ben into stabbing Jacob.

22. "Walkabout" (Season 1)
The first glimpses into the mysterious John Locke, and his shocking condition before coming to the Island.

21. "This Place is Death" (Season 5)
The time-flashing jumps from the first half of Season 5 never really held much weight since they were happening to only half our heroes, but this episode resonates with the return of Jin, the origins of Rousseau and her madness, Charlotte bugging out and ominously uttering the title in Korean, revealing that she was a girl in the Dharma Initiative and then dying in Faraday's arms, and Locke dropping down into the well to fix the frozen move-the-Island wheel as instructed by Christian Shephard. Plus, Jack, Sun, Ben & Desmond unite to go visit Eloise Hawking in L.A., which Desmond punctuates with the great, "Are you looking for Faraday's mother, too?"

20. "Man of Science, Man of Faith" (Season 2)
LOST's put-up-or-shut-up moment. So, you're telling me there's a Scotsman down in the Hatch, who happened to meet Jack jogging one time, and he's got full living quarters down there, and he has to press a button every 108 minutes? OK, yeah, that was worth the summer wait.

19. Happily Ever After (Season 6)
The umpteenth return of Desmond, but he's always a welcome presence. What's nice is we also get some Charlie Pace, even if he is basically a mischievous Mancunian Leprechaun in this episode. Desmond has a purpose on both the Island, where Widmore, we'll later learn, intends to use him as a "failsafe" to the Island's electromagnetism, and more importantly in the sideways life. In fact, Desmond's all-you-need-is-love revelations suddenly pump life and meaning into the uncertain sideways storylines, finally connecting that world to the world on the Island, and starting the ball rolling towards the series conclusion.

18. "LaFleur" (Season 5)
The best Sawyer episode, but not for the past Sawyer reasons. This episode is very subtle and mellow compared to the usual adrenaline levels of the show. The time-flashing gang joins Dharma, and Sawyer macking it to Juliet turns out to be one of the sweetest and best developments in the show's run. Also, was that the whole Statue?

17. "There's No Place Like Home" (Season 4)
The finale of the writers' strike-shortened Season 4, it features many great moments, like Sayid's jungle throwdown with Martin Keamy, Sawyer jumping out of the helicopter, the freighter blowing up, Ben 'moving' the Island, and Penny coming to everyone's rescue. It also teases the legend of Jeremy Bentham, who, it turns out, is John Locke in the coffin.

16. "LA X" (Season 6)
Apparently, Hurley's hiding a note inside a giant Ankh inside Charlie's guitar case to give to a Samurai living in the Temple. Whew! There's also a "Sideways" universe (who knew?), Juliet dies, Sayid dies but then lives after a magic bath, and by the way, Locke is the muthafuckin' Smoke Monster and he is royally pissed off! Let the Terry O'Quinn acting clinic begin!

15. "Live Together, Die Alone" (Season 2)
The season finales are always highlights on LOST, and the return of a drunken Desmond Hume is a bonus. Of course, we also have Desmond, Charlie, Mr. Eko & Locke blowing up the Hatch, the first glimpse of the Statue (or its foot), the kidnapping of Jack, Kate & Sawyer, and the emergence of Benjamin Linus, who lets Michael & Walt leave the Island (you can do that?) while insisting that The Others are "the good guys".

14. "What They Died For" (Season 6)
It feels like the first hour of the series finale, really. All set up, but set up to The End. The swirling convergence of the sideways survivors points towards a crowded concert climax orchestrated by Desmond. The Island protagonists run head on into Jacob - for the last time - who throws his figurative mystical cards on the table and Jack volunteers for a shiny new sheriff's badge. Meanwhile, the inevitable collision between UnLocke, Ben, Widmore, and Richard finally happens, but not quite the way we thought it would. One thing is for sure: it leaves you dying for the finale spectacular.

13. "Deus Ex Machina" (Season 1)
The episode when the show picked up steam and started to become something truly special. Again focusing on John Locke, we saw for the first time his terrible parental drama, as well as issues dealing with the Island's healing properties, Boone's tragedy in the crashed Nigerian beechcraft, and in one of the great TV moments ever, Locke banging on the Hatch door until a bright light surprisingly comes on inside.

12. "Lockdown" (Season 2)
There are two reasons this remains one of the best episodes in the entire series: the first is this is the episode where it's revealed that "Henry Gale" is most definitely not who he says he is, setting the stage for one of the great TV villains of all time; second is the "Blast Door Map" which Locke sees in ultra-violet light while trapped in the Hatch's lockdown. The Map was the best of the early breadcrumbs for rabid fans dissecting the show online.

11. "The Man From Tallahassee" (Season 3)
As I write this, I start to realize that the John Locke episodes are obviously a cut above, maybe because his character is more fun to write, or maybe because Terry O'Quinn is a genius actor. This episode comes clean on Locke's father Anthony Cooper, we get Locke's 8-story plummet to a wheelchair existence, as well as Locke blowing up Ben's submarine, stopping Jack & Juliet from going home. Oh yeah, and there's a "magic box", and Locke's dad is bound and gagged inside.

10. "The End" (Season 6)
There are really two questions as it relates to this 108-minute monster. The first question is it a great series finale, and does it satisfy all our questions? My answer is no, and I could talk for hours about why not like most Lost fans could. But I think in the spirit of the show and the fun I've had with it over the years, the second and more important question is, is it a great Lost episode? And the only answer to that is an absolute yes.

09. "Pilot" (Season 1)
The basis for everything, from the super-expensive opening beach scene (this remains the most costly pilot episode of all time), Kate stitching Jack up, Charlie getting "You all everybody!" stuck in our heads for days, Smokey snatching up the pilot's body from the cockpit, and everyone's favorite rampaging polar bear.

08. "The Substitute" (season 6)
The sideways world comes together as we follow John Locke to meet Good Luck Hurley, temp agency Rose, and school teacher Ben. On the Island, we get Ben's sadly comic eulogy for the real John Locke, while UnLocke starts to slowly unveil his game with Jacob through conversations with a reluctant Richard, a drunk Sawyer, and visions of Jacob as a ghostly boy, and also by revealing the cave of mostly crossed-out candidate names to Sawyer.

07. "The Shape of Things to Come" (Season 4)
In one sentence: The assault of the Mercenaries. In a bit longer form, the freighter doctor washes ashore with his throat slit, Ben keeps a shotgun in his piano seat, Claire's house blows up, the deliciously evil Martin Keamy executes Alex in front of Ben, and Ben summons Smokey to decimate the Mercs. In the future, we're left to wonder why Ben would suddenly appear in the middle of the Tunisian desert wearing a winter parka (kind of like the polar bear skeleton Charlotte dug up), and if he can get into Charles Widmore's bedroom in the middle of the night, why he doesn't just kill him.

06. "The Life & Death of Jeremy Bentham" (Season 5)
...Or what happened to John Locke after he fixed the time-flashes. Ending up in the same desert as Ben did, he is tasked by Charles Widmore with reuniting the Oceanic Six to return to the Island, which seems to also be Ben's task as well. Hmmm...Oh yeah, and it includes the best scene of the entire series.

05. "The Candidate" (Season 6)
Sideways Jack explores the coincidences of his meetings with sideways Locke, who's still in the hospital after Desmond ran him down. Meanwhile, Jack goes along with UnLocke just long enough to rescue his people from Widmore, and then steal Widmore's submarine. Claire is distraught about being left behind again, but UnLocke isn't, knowing that Jack has a ticking timebomb in his backpack, and killing eight birds with one stone will accomplish his ultimate goal...except that doesn't happen - Sayid sacrifices himself to save the day, though he takes Sun & Jin with him into the murky deep.

04. "Exodus" (Season 1)
I could say the epic season 1 finale is a classic because is could be boiled down to some of the most iconic one-liners of the series, from "The numbers are bad! The numbers are bad!" to "You've got some Arzt on you" to "We're gonna haveta take the boy." But it's more than that - explore for a millisecond the scenes that those quotes are taken from and you will see some of the best television of all time. The sequence on the raft is as good today as it was six years ago, and the view down the open shaft remains the greatest cliffhanger of all time.

03. "The Man Behind The Curtain" (Season 3)
"You do remember birthdays, don't you Richard?" The epic backstory of Benjamin Linus, from meeting Richard Alpert as a boy, to "The Purge" - gassing the whole Dharma Initiative - and taking over as leader of The Others. Naomi has dropped by at this point as well, but we're too busy visiting "Jacob's Cabin" for the first time, and then seeing Ben shoot John Locke and leave him for dead in the Dharma mass grave.

02. "The Constant" (Season 4)
It had been going for a while, but quietly, almost without notice - the Desmond & Penny romance feels like it exists completely separate from whatever else is going on. This is the episode that made it historic. Both Henry Ian Cusick and Sonya Walger should work as actors for years off this one hour of television, the rare moment where an action/sci-fi show does romance and it's neither cheesy nor forced. And if that wasn't enough, this episode also cements the Daniel Faraday character as one of LOST's best.

01. "Through the Looking Glass" (Season 3)
The reason this episode and "The Constant" are usually cited as the series favorite episodes is because of the emotional set-pieces featured within, and rightly so. But what makes this the best episode by far is because it can't just be reduced to Charlie's Death. There is a ridiculous amount of development in these two hours. In fact, most people forget that the heartbreaking drowning of Mr. Pace AND the jaw-dropping cliffhanger of Jack yelling "WE HAVE TO GO BACK!!!" is the same hour of television! The flashforward was a genius move at the time, making us wonder what happened to Jack, who was Kate going home to, who was in the coffin - even the easter eggs are great, like the funeral parlor anagram, or the Nirvana song. But the best stuff was on the Island: you had the first seed of the Juliet/Sawyer hook-up, and Hurley saving the day with the Dharma VW bus, not to mention Sawyer finally shooting Tom Friendly for taking Walt. Walt told a dying Locke that he had "work to do". Rousseau finally gets to meet her daughter, while Jack gives Ben the all-time great beating the fans were waiting for. The radio tower, Patchy's grenade, "Good Vibrations", Naomi taking a knife in the back, "Not Penny's Boat", a phone call to some guy named Minkowski. This is most definitely the best LOST episode, topped off with possibly the greatest death in TV history. R.I.P. Charlie Pace. You all everybody.

South Park: Help Yourself

I never understand when people say that the first two seasons of South Park are the best. This is completely nuts, making obvious that most people didn't stick around through some of the rough times to make it to the glorious present. There's no doubt that since the show regained its swagger with Season Six (and the classic Lord of the Rings episode), it's been pretty much all genius - Season Eight, the show's best, remains one of the greatest television seasons of my lifetime. They've just now begun their 12th season with Cartman giving Kyle AIDS, a headless Britney Spears on the run from the whole world, and this week, a tribute to the 1981 animated film Heavy Metal, crammed with commentary on anti-drug campaigns, Anne Frank, and Elliot Spitzer.

But that's not even the biggest news. That would be the relaunch of their official website, which now features "free, streaming, full-length episodes and clips from the entire 12 seasons of the Emmy and Peabody Award-winning animated series". The show's creators, Trey Parker and Matt Stone, were their usual selves: "When asked about the launch of the new site, Stone and Parker said, 'We got really sick of having to download our own show illegally all the time so we gave ourselves a legal alternative.'" If you've lost track of the show over the years, now is the time to see what you've been missing.

Enjoy this clip of Ms. Spears in the recording studio...

Radiohead Day, I guess

I didn't know when I planned out the list that my Kid A write-up would be preceded & overshadowed by a massive webcast event at www.radiohead.tv Wednesday thru Friday celebrating the new album In Rainbows. Radiohead are (far and away) the best band on the planet because they can do something as mundane as spinning a record or pouring a drink, and it's enthralling. So you can imagine what happens when they start to pick up the instruments.

Enjoy the videos, which are not in the order they happened, just in an order. I present the thumbs_down webcast, starring the band and their producer Nigel Godrich, and directed as far as I know by Garth Jennings, director of the film adaptation of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, as well as being half of the music video directing duo Hammer & Tongs (most famous for Blur's cute "Coffee & TV" milk carton). Video artist Adam Buxton helped out too.

TEST 123 - Nigel DJing [Shannon]


"Bodysnatchers" [In Rainbows]


"Ceremony" [New Order cover]


- Entanglement, Part 1 (Thom DJing & dancing)

"Unravel" [Björk cover]/Entanglement, Part 2


"Thumbs Down" interlude


"Jigsaw Falling Into Place" on helmet-cam [In Rainbows]


"Reckoner" [In Rainbows]


- Fun with "Arpeggi" in a carpark
- Colin DJing [The The]

"15 Step" [In Rainbows]
Se7en remix/Adam & Thom messing about


Ed's tender moment


- More Thom DJing

"The Headmaster's Ritual" [The Smiths cover]


"Faust Arp" on a hill [In Rainbows]


"I Might Be Wrong" [2001's Amnesiac]


"Videotape" [In Rainbows]

The Writers Guild Strike

Most of the shows you watch on TV will temporarily cease to be for a while. It's already happened on the late night talk shows, and shows like The Office and 30 Rock have been shutting down production because a lot of their stars started out as writers, so they're members of the WGA. Fox is even talking about postponing the entire season of 24 rather than air half a season. So, what are they fighting about?? This here Internet I'm talking to you on. Here are some videos that give you a little info to keep you informed.

"Why We Fight" - the strike explained


Producers/Actors/Writers of The Office on the picket line


Lead writers of Lost & Desperate Housewives outside ABC

I have to wait until January??!!?

Lost video from San Diego ComicCon
Orientation for Station 6 - "The Orchid"

I don't know about you, but what I get out of this is that's a time travelling bunny. And what does Back To The Future and all other time travel science fiction teach you? That's right - NEVER be in the same place as yourself. Interesting. Makes me want to go back and watch that flash-forward season 3 finale.

R.I.P. MTV (1981-2007)

A lot has been said for years, especially on angry blogs and message boards about MTV (and their sister networks) abandoning music. But now MTV is officially dead. How do I know this? Well, take a look at this list of artists:

Red Hot Chili Peppers, Metallica, Beastie Boys, Foo Fighters, Kanye West, Linkin Park, Fall Out Boy, Snoop Dogg, Smashing Pumpkins, Shakira, Pharrell Williams, Chris Cornell, Pussycat Dolls, Black Eyed Peas, Ludacris, Kelly Clarkson, AFI, Alicia Keys, Akon, Rihanna, Taking Back Sunday, Bloc Party, Wolfmother, M.I.A., Joss Stone, Kasabian, & Xzibit

And also consider these VH-1 acts:
Madonna, The Police, Dave Matthews Band, Bon Jovi, John Mayer, Roger Waters, John Legend, Lenny Kravitz, Duran Duran, Genesis, Jack Johnson, Crowded House, Keane, James Blunt, Enrique Iglesias, Snow Patrol, Damien Rice, David Gray, Macy Gray, Melissa Etheridge, KT Tunstall, Corrine Bailey Rae, & Spinal Tap

All of the above artists are set to play the Live Earth concerts today, and MTV, VH-1, and all of their satellite stations are airing ZERO coverage! I thought I read it wrong, but here it is on my cable box: Bravo & the Sundance Channel, with a 3-hour highlight show tonight on NBC. Where the fuck is MTV?? Well, all their coverage is relegated to a special corner of their website, claiming that "If you're looking to see Madonna and Metallica light up the United Kingdom's Wembley Stadium, Linkin Park rock Japan or Pharrell throw down in Brazil, you know who to hang with — us." Riiiiiiiight, but if you switch over to them, they're airing marathons of America's Next Top Model, Real World, Cribs, & Wildboyz!!!! MTV Hits at least has videos. VH-1's playing random nothing, while VH-1 Classic has the outdated One Hit Wonder countdown from like 5 years ago. YES, MTV execs, all these things are more important than global warming AND dozens of live sets by the biggest musical artists on your networks. Good show, assholes! Actually, it's kind of fitting that MTV should die just before its 26th birthday, since that's usually how old people are when they lose interest in the channel's programming.

I remember when MTV forced kids to care about their world, and now that those kids have grown up are doing something worthwhile about it, MTV turns their backs because they figure today's children are too young to care; they'd rather watch idiots be rude and selfish (that goes for all 4 of those aforementioned shows, and on down the schedule).

Of course, that doesn't mean that it'll be good - not all artists are good live (I'm looking in your direction, Shakira), and ex-MTV jocks Dave Holmes & Karen Duffy's hosting skills are definitely rusty. That being said I just watched Snow Patrol being adequate enough, Linkin Park tearing through "Faint" (still their only great song) while Tokyo fans go apeshit, and Damien Rice & David Gray playing an excellent acoustic set together, and I wonder who wouldn't want to see this? This is music. And MTV just isn't anymore. It's dead, so pour out a little liquor.

The Tragedy of Chris Benoit, and The Tangled Web of Pro-Wrestling

On Monday night, following the breaking news that WWE superstar Chris Benoit had died in his home over the weekend with his wife and mentally-challenged son, Vince K. McMahon Jr. broke down the fourth wall between him and his audience. Vince was supposedly dead, a victim of a very poorly staged carbomb which was unfortunately widely reported on in the news media, but now, he was simply the boss paying tribute to a model employee; not many fans of pro-wrestling would argue that Chris Benoit was one of the greatest of all-time. He was infinitely more athletic and skilled than the Hulk Hogans and Steve Austins of the world, and when he finally won the Big One, the World Wrestling Entertainment Heavyweight Championship, it was considered by fans to be long overdue.

If asked, Vince would probably answer that Benoit's accomplishments over a 20+ year career were even more significant in the wrestling world because he didn't have the looks or charisma that someone like The Rock had, or the size that any number of famous monster champs had. Hulk was 6'6", Triple H & The Rock were 6'4", even Steve Austin was 6'2". Chris Benoit was 5'10" on a generous day, probably closer to 5'8", but he stilled suplexed the 7'2" Big Show out of the ring to win The Royal Rumble battle royale and his subsequent title shot at Wrestlemania 20. Of course we know it was all fixed, but you jump in the ring, the first of 30 men, last a whole hour, and finally get tossed around by a 500lb. giant, and let's see how you do... 40lb. forearms dropping on your back still hurt even if the punches are pulled. Benoit was a tireless worker. He busted his hump for the love of the business, and that was his persona; he didn't need to crack wise on the mic. He was vicious in the ring, first earning the nickname "The Crippler" because, well, he crippled a guy. Later, he was the "Rabid Wolverine" (no doubt because he reminded more than a few people of the X-Men hero after a haircut), and his gimmick was simply that he was missing a tooth, obviously knocked out in the heat of battle.

All the reports and interviews with co-workers are noting that his real life personality was the farthest thing from his frenzied in-ring character. He was a good friend to countless people, and selfless in helping others achieve their dreams. Now, as all the horrible details of this tragedy are reported by the GA Police department or leak out from every loose mouth in the news media, the WWE is faced with the unfortunate position of having paid tribute to a man that appears to have murdered his wife and son. They've pulled back, and put the PR machine on overdrive. It's sad really; I think what everyone is forgetting is that no matter what he did, that 3-hour tribute show was not for Chris Benoit the man, but for Chris Benoit the entertainer, the performer, the employee. It's not about who he was, but what he did in the ring, and that's separate from the darkness that surrounds his former home right now. After 20 years in service of the fans, Benoit deserves a respectful thanks and a moment of silence.

But the country at large probably won't give him that, because pro-wrestling is the new travelling circus. A lot of the fault lies at McMahon's feet. Vince's decisions in storylines have made the Entertainment in "Sports Entertainment" laughable on a regular basis, and whatever Sports are left, they mostly involve guys getting hurt for the viewing pleasure of others (falling right in line with our Jackass culture). Young men gather around the water cooler to talk about the weekly happenings in hushed tones because they don't want to admit they watch. It's become an embarrassment. I know this is true because I used to be one of these young men. I haven't watched in about 18 months, and I'm sure I haven't missed anything other than the departure of Kurt Angle (more on him later), but when I did watch and later talk about it, I usually looked around to see if any women were around before I let loose with my theories on whatever championship belt feud was going on. I didn't want to admit that I watched, but I still did. I could say that when I started watching in 1996 or 1997, it was a way for me to spend time with good friends that I didn't see enough; we just got together every Monday. It was easy. But then, I can admit, I got into it, despite later realizing that Vince McMahon and his creative team haven't had a fresh idea since those late 90's glory days, and that watching the shows every week was kinda like eating pizza everyday for lunch; ya know, everyone loves pizza, but after a while, enough is enough. By 2004, I was routinely nodding off throughout the shows.

One of the reasons the shows' quality declined is because Vince McMahon has a documented love for pushing the "Big Man" to the fore, with no regard for their skill level. Hulk Hogan is the classic example. He was 6'6", 330lbs., and looked like he was straight off Venice Beach, CA. He was better looking than the likes of Andre The Giant, and was memorable on the mic. But he couldn't really wrestle beyond the basics. He pulled out the same old moves for his entire career. Shit, he showed his most varied set of maneuvers in Rocky III. Since then, it's been a parade of larger-than-life men, with rippling physiques, which has repeatedly brought up the Steroid question. Look at a raging freak like Gene Snitsky, with his back acne (a noted side-effect of steroid use), or Adonis-types like Scott Steiner or Chris Masters, who have so many muscles they can barely move. Guys like this have nothing to offer beyond their size, and where do you think that size came from? McMahon and his company have denied denied denied for so long, but after Internet news sites reported on a new WWE steroid policy a few years ago, you saw Masters, Snitsky, and others shrink and lose definition. Hmmmm...

Now, along with the Benoit tragedy, comes the discussions. The comparisons to major league baseball's current troubles have started already, with some crying for government intervention. Government officials would probably shy away, stating that since pro-wrestling, with its outcomes being predetermined, is not a competitive sport, there is no playing field to level. Others would state the alarming figure, one that will surely be repeated frequently in the media for the next few days: in the past decade, 60 current or former pro-wrestlers under the age of 45 have died. This is a frightening statistic. Steroids may not be the cause of death, but turn the whole stat on its side, and see that the steroids AND the deaths are the effects of the business.

Like in baseball, when people talk about steroids, they point out the mass, the muscles, the mysterious growth of Barry Bonds, Jason Giambi & Mark McGwire. But also like in baseball, the problem with steroids in wrestling might be more covert than that. Pitchers use steroids as much as power hitters, but the pitchers use it to heal faster. This is most likely the way in which a lot of pro-wrestlers use steroids; they're hurt on such a regular basis, they need something just to keep going. Wrestling personality and Steve Austin's ex-wife, Debra Marshall was quoted today as saying she saw Austin take steroids, and considering the time in his career when they were married, it is likely that he used the steroids for this purpose. This goes hand in hand with the well-documented and widespread addiction to painkillers across the pro-wrestling business. According to current TNA Wrestling star Kurt Angle, in his various radio interviews following his departure from WWE, Vince McMahon regularly encouraged his wrestlers to perform injured, and so the wrestlers, trying to keep favor with the boss, get addicted to whatever will keep them upright. It could be steroids or painkillers, or it could be booze, weed, or cocaine. It could be all of those things (See: the tragedy of the late Eddie Guerrero, Benoit's good friend). And one thing that came out in the reports for a lot of those 60 deaths is that the wrestler was severely depressed, a result of the drug abuse and hard profession. It is verging on an epidemic in the business. Could you look at Benoit's career, and blame the profession, the life, "The Sickness" as wrestlers call it, for his actions?

To make matters more complicated, there is the ongoing scientific investigation into the connection between multiple head injuries in NFL players and their effect on the player's mental state. Former wrestler Chris Nowinski had to leave the wrestling business because of a severe head injury, and now, according to a NY Times story, he dedicates his time to investigating chronic traumatic encephalopathy, a condition that can cause memory loss, depression and "bizarre, paranoid behavior". Despite a 2003 report of spousal abuse filed by Benoit's wife, Nowinski doesn't believe that Benoit snapped in a fit of "'roid rage" - he instead believes that it was "repeated, untreated concussions that might have caused his friend to snap."

This story will not end until the entirety of this chain is addressed. Is it steroids, painkillers, and drugs, because Vince McMahon pushes his talented employees too hard? Did Benoit take too many chair shots to the back of the head (Nowinski says yes, "[Benoit] was stupid")? Could it maybe be that 20 years of acting as a violent character, along with the other factors, would readjust your reality? Whatever the answers to these questions are, Vince McMahon needs to stop the PR machine from shielding his organization, walk out into the fray, and try his hardest to assist in solving this equation. Otherwise, his whole world will crumble around him, and he'll be holding many more tributes to lost employees.

- NY Times story, including the bit with Chris Nowinski
- Monday Night Raw intro, featuring Vince McMahon's original statement, and a 4-minute highlight reel of Chris Benoit
- Vince McMahon's...repositioning

"They're swinging their dicks around..."

Who knew the best show of the summer would be on The Internet, and I'm not talking the shark-jumping Lonelygirl15. Clark And Michael is the hilarious new mockumentary series starring Arrested Development's Michael Cera, and his friend Clark Duke. According to IMDB, the first video was Duke's senior thesis. The duo do all the writing, help with directing and editting, and are also producers (the show is financed through CBS). Of the episodes posted so far (six), cameos have included Arrested alums David Cross & Tony Hale, as well as Andy Richter, Patton Oswalt, and Martin Starr (the "Shoe-Bomber" from Knocked Up). If you're a fan of the mockumentary style of Arrested Development, The Office, and Christopher Guest's work, then do yourself a favor and check out the site.

- Clark & Michael's website

Random Thoughts on HBO's Sunday Nights (and now, Mondays too)

01. The Sopranos
I've done a lot of thinking about the finale while the rest of the world has seen fit to complain ad nauseum. And ya know...yes, it was a big fucking copout. I've heard now that the partyline being floated by HBO and creator/writer David Chase is that the show is primarily about family and not the mafia, so shame on the public and their bloodlust for wanting a massacre. OK fine, good point and all, but that's not why I'm unhappy with the ending. I'm unhappy because it just sucked. It was poorly written, as was most of the whole last season. The choices of the writers in the story arc were less than good, paramount among them killing Christopher. Plus, what were the points with Tony's Grand Canyon third-eye awakening and AJ's aimless depression subplot; in the end it was a cocktease from all angles and didn't matter for shit. The rumor in the ether of the message boards was that everyone in the diner was related to victims of Tony's violent business throughout the entire series, but HBO debunked that; said it wasn't the case. But fuck, THAT would've been a cool ending. Too bad David Chase didn't think of that.

02. John From Cincinnati
The first thing this show taught me was how to spell Cincinnati. The second thing it taught me (well, reminded me more like) was that I really like Bruce Greenwood. He is the traditional character actor routinely saddled with boring characters (troubled fathers, the US President), and Mitch Yost is just on the good side of boring. His best role is still his breakthrough in the 1994 arthouse hit Exotica, and at least I remember loving him on the forgotten mid-90's UPN show, Nowhere Man. Among all his forgettable political thrillers from the late 90's to today, his best work was in the sorely underrated submarine ghost story Below, co-starring some more of my favorite character actors (comedian Zach Galifianakis, Rushmore's Olivia Williams, a couple of the Lock, Stock guys). 2A would be a similar respect for Matt Winston, who leads the motel subplot on the show. He is less than a character actor in the Hollywood world, he is a character type; in the credits, when you see "Spanish man" or "elderly lady", Winston is that kind of actor. And yet, you remember him from somewhere (for me, it's as the "Seminary Student" hosed down in Fight Club). Somehow, he exists wholly in scenes with the great Luis Guzman and Willy Garson, and yet Winston is the focus, and credit due, big time. He is always cast as the "fairy", but he more than owns it here. The third thing that I've learned is that a quirky better-than-average drama can succeed on the back of one character, and that would be the titular John. He speaks only in shuffled phrases that he's heard from others, and he has the curious stare of a 4-year old that knows he's done something wrong and is waiting to see if a parent has noticed. He's got me hooked, and I have a feeling that the rest of the show is going to improve, snowballing after his lead.

03. Flight Of The Conchords
Hey ya know - I've learned that I'm not a big fan of the Australian/New Zealander accent. I had no idea. Thanks guys... PS, pssst, you're no Tenacious D, and their eventual movie kinda stunk.

04. Big Love
I don't love Big Love. Not the way I loved Six Feet Under, or the way I love The Wire. Of course, that's not entirely fair seeing as those are two of my Top 5 shows of all time, but I don't even love it the way I loved Carnivale. I do like Big Love, and there is a remarkable consistency with which it holds my interest. The three wives are played by three spectacular and well cast actresses, and Bill Paxton is never less than good in his own way. I gotta also say 'big ups' to the season premiere for showing a little more of the actual Mormon faith than I remember seeing in the first season. So, I'm in for season 2.

05. Entourage
I wasn't crazy-go-nuts over the first season. I was however totally into the second season. I can't figure how Adrian Grenier didn't become a star like Vincent Chase after that (The Devil Wears Prada was a smart move though). Then came the first part of season three last fall. It was a mess. Dom the bodyguard? No thanks. I love the characters too much to have abandoned ship, so I stuck it out, and fuck me if I wasn't rewarded. This spring, the episodes have been excellent, spreading more of the story love around instead of giving Piven all the good bits. And to top it off, no season finale - the show will run through the summer. How's that for a reward? Tonight's Pablo Escobarific episode bodes well for my summer Sunday nights.

...it's just so, so wrong...

UPDATE: Viacom sucks, and the British are too sensitive.

Hey...Howie Mandel ISN'T on

I'm watching NBC's new shows right now. They're pretty good. Actually, Andy Barker P.I. was very good. I didn't see the entire thing - I was flipping over to watch a documentary on Hong Kong Kung Fu flicks, and also the 'Raisins' episode of South Park. Anyway, Andy Richter is perfect for the part of a C.P.A. fallen backwards into being a gumshoe. Honestly though, as expected, Arrested Development's Tony Hale pretty much makes the show. So yeah, I'd say it's a keeper.

Raines, starring Jeff Goldblum, has kind of turned into a pleasant surprise. First of all, it's this new...not Noir Redux, but like meta-Noir; it takes the structure of a detective story, the quirks of Chandler novels & Bogart films, and then slathers them with self-aware sarcasm (the victim has a Double Indemnity poster in her bedroom, Goldblum references Kathleen Turner in Body Heat). It worked spectacularly in Shane Black's Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, and Raines is similar, only scaled down for the small screen. Jeff Goldblum is also well suited for this new formula like Robert Downey Jr was. I don't know, maybe it's me - I'm a sucker for Noir & detective stories, from The Big Sleep to Chinatown to Memento. Second, well, if I was NBC, I would've publicized the fact that the show is directed by Frank Darabont, director of one of our generation's most beloved films, The Shawshank Redemption. So, that's good too. Third, the show is packed with great players. Nicole Sullivan sticks out, finally finding life after Mad TV that isn't a soda commercial; her sarcasm reflects Goldblum's. Relative newcomer Linda Park is intriguing, so I'll be keeping an eye on her. And here, get out your trusty IMDB and check out these names of excellent character actors: Matt Craven, Malik Yoba, Paul Scheer, Tracey Walter, & Ryan Hurst. Oh, and the first episode's victim is played by the gorgeous Alexa Davalos, who is kind of like a sexy version of Felicity (she's got that mane of curls that is muy caliente), and who was the only reason to watch The Chronicles Of Riddick. She should be a star by now, but be patient - she's going to pop up this November in The Mist, Darabont's third Stephen King film adaptation (after Shawshank & The Green Mile).

I take it back...

"The Alternative" runs until 2am! NICE!! "Zombie" is washed away by Temple of the Dog. Cornell used to rule before the higlighted spikes.


While the punxie in The Cranberries was sullying my screen, I flipped over to VH1 Soul in time to see one of my new picks for best video ever, right up there with Radiohead's "Just" and Nine Inch Nails' "Closer" - Gnarls Barkley's "Smiley Faces".

Man, now PJ Harvey is on. I can't stay up all night watching videos...

Is that a red tuxedo??

I just want to suggest to anyone that reads this, they should be watching VH1 Classic every Sunday, from 11pm to midnight. That's when they play "The Alternative" videos. Sweetness.

In the last hour, I've seen classic videos by Husker Du, Frank Black, The Lemonheads, Elvis Costello & The Attractions, Liz Phair, Erasure, The Replacements, Echo & The Bunnymen, and The Cure.

...and The Cranberries' "Zombie"...I never liked that song. I guess they can't all be winners.

Welcome to the Jungle...

Ah welcome welcome. I'm proud to present my first post on this newly minted blog, so I'm gonna kick it off right with the first segment of my 2006 recap. Let's take a look at the best that TV had to offer last year...

05. Heroes: Part 1 of the 1st Season (NBC)
11 episodes; Sept. 25th – Dec. 4th
Heroes does a lot of things right. First, it moves slowly, giving the audience just enough to keep them coming back, but leaving plenty of time to revel in the real-life details of the characters. Second, it eschews the open-ended multiple storylines of comic books into a viable storytelling style for serialized television, and it manages to populate those stories with mostly interesting and identifiable characters. They haven’t perfected the mix yet – Ali Larter’s split personality narrative is saddled with the weakest three characters and most under-explained superpowers. The rest of the show, however, more than hits the mark. The Petrelli brothers are pitch perfect in their struggle over how to treat the exploration of their powers, while Hiro and Isaac are two of the most interesting new TV presences of the year. Here’s to saving the world.

04. The Shield: 5th Season (FX)
11 episodes; Jan. 10th – March 21st
Forest Whitaker is a great actor that usually flies under the radar, so it might have surprised some people that he got nominated for an Oscar this week, for a movie not too many people have seen. But if they watched season 5 of FX’s The Shield last winter, it wouldn’t be a surprise at all. Whitaker blasted into the show, more than filling the void left by Glenn Close’s departure after the 4th season, and he filled the role of Internal Affairs detective Jon Kavanaugh with overwhelming intensity. The entire season was one long chase, with Vic Mackey and his Strike Team struggling to stay one step ahead of Kavanaugh, and in the end, there had to be casualties. The tragic exit of Lem was by far the most heartbreaking moment on TV in 2006; when you play with fire, you’re going to get burned, but none of the Strike Team expected it to happen literally.

03. The Office: Part 2 of the 2nd Season (NBC)
12 episodes; Jan. 5th – May 11th
It was interesting to see The Office, which started being about an office (duh), return after its holiday break and excel at becoming an interesting comic study of new romances. The show was always funny, what with the struggle between Jim and Dwight, or Michael Scott’s cringe-inducing attempts to be the likable boss. But the second season put the spotlight on the couples; Kelly is the quintessential clingy girlfriend to Ryan, who’d love nothing more than to escape. Michael juggles a secret affair with Jan, his boss, while making a play for happiness with Carol, his real estate agent. Even Dwight woos cold accountant Angela. Of course, it’s really all about Pam & Jim. No really. This stretch of 12 episodes, beginning with the instant classic “Booze Cruise” and ending with the cliffhanging “Casino Night”, was golden all the way through because of the bottomless chemistry and longing of Pam (Jenna Fischer) and Jim (John Krasinski).

02. Lost: Part 2 of the 2nd Season (ABC)
14 episodes; Jan. 11th – May 24th
The best thing about the creative forces behind Lost is that they have no problem killing off main characters. I mean, bodies dropped in the second season, and I think that may be why the show is so addictive. You can have all the nuclear bomb shelters, creepy island natives and smoke monsters in the world, but to make a long-lasting show, you need to get wrapped up in the stories of these characters, because unlike other shows, you feel like there is something actually at stake for them. And the actors play it perfectly, injecting palpable emotion into the true definition of an ensemble, where stars are made from the most unlikely (ie: not pretty) candidates (Hurley? Locke? “Henry Gale”?). It doesn’t hurt that the writers have constructed a massive web of possibly unsolvable mysteries and dozens of hidden clues that take days to sift through, leading to an entire world not even seen on the show.

01. The Wire: 4th Season (HBO)
13 episodes; Sept. 10th – Dec. 10th
The fourth season of The Wire was one of the most superb weekly engagements I’ve ever seen, with layer after layer of deep social commentary spread across Baltimore and the lives of nearly 40 major characters. But it offers even more questions than it does answers. Will there be a place in the Police Department for the nomadic Lester & Kima? Will Prez be able to make the transition from being a cop to a teacher? Once Carcetti wins the mayor’s seat, will he be able to navigate the political landmines as a white man running a black city? How will the tragedy of Bodie affect McNulty’s quest to be a detective again? And what will happen with Omar Little, the notorious gay Robin Hood of the ghetto, robbing from Marlo Stansfield and only shooting people involved in the drug trade (“I don’t put my gun on no citizens!!”)? In the end, though, this season is all about the kids: Namond, Dukie, Michael & Randy walk away with the show, all turning in award-worthy performances, showing us the effect of the hard streets and the mismanaged education system on their fragile adolescence. The best show on TV just got better; hopefully we won't have to wait too long for season 5.